The sense of defeat
I feel the press of his gaze,
as through a tide.
“Look smaller. Stay quiet.”
“Let’s see your mettle, girl.“
‘Jumped into the arms of my best friend!’
Everything fights back –
“Oh… There’s that fire!
Stoke the flames, boys. She’s finally speaking.”
How could I have jumped… when beneath me was a crevice?
Seek a steady hand,
“She’s just a waste of time.”
~ 0 ~
Speaking from personal experience –
This poem was written when I was in a dark place, several months ago. I had fallen into a lapse of allowing others to stand up for me. I was weak. I used anger and depression to ‘fight back’ in defense of myself, but it left me numb. I thought self-harm and suicidal tendencies were an out to the hell I’d brought upon myself, purely in my own thoughts. I allowed overthinking to eat away at my life and drag me under.
I left my fiancee of a little over two years, and began dating another man a couple states over. After moving there I discovered several things about myself, and began this blog devoted to poetry and self-expression. I let others’ opinions of me rule what I thought about myself. I sought the wisdom of a newfound friend, and through her tutelage, gained a broader perspective of the world.
If you take anything away from the viewing of my poetry, know this: You are worth so much more than words. You are worth more than what others think of you. You are a child of the universe – a soulful shard of the cosmos compacted into a spiritual being. Do not let others’ words, actions, or thoughts devalue what you know of yourself. Stand strongly for what you believe, and what you are.
Live, and love, with peace.